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Time Traveling Today: Mike Vick
Mike Vick's less than impressive NFL re-debut on Sunday seemed to dull the hype that surrounded his absence from the league. After word came out that Vick kind of, sort of, half-expected to start this year, it only raised our level of expectation that much more. However, Coach Andy Reid did not see fit to give Vick much of a chance to do any thing on Sunday, so it will be interesting to see what kind of role he continues to fill throughout the rest of the season.
That being said, I have mixed feeling on Mike Vick. Before I support him completely, I need to get the thought of all of those poor dogs out of my head. You see, I love dogs. Since I could walk, I was chasing after every dog I saw. So before I jump on the Vick-train, I need him to prove to me that he is a changed man, that he has learned to love and appreciate animals. So how could my time machine help this situation? By sending Vick back to a time where he would be forced to interact with a bunch of animals in a very confined space. By giving Vick a one way ticket on Noah's Ark!
Now this is the longest trip the time machine has ever made, but I figured it would be worth it if it were to turn around one of the NFL's most exciting players. So I zipped over to Philadelphia where I found Vick playing Madden 2004 in his home (just can't let it go, can he?). Vick was very willing to do anything to prove to the world that he was a changed man, so we jumped in the time machine and took off towards Biblical times.
We arrived in the desert and found an old man working on a very large boat, er, ship. He seemed to be mumbling something about ridiculous rain clouds and stupid weather men. Needless to say though, he was more than happy for all the help he could get, and before he knew it, Mike Vick was helping Noah build the ark. Eventually everything came together, rain clouds appeared in the sky, and this epic journey was ready to begin. Then the Animals came.
At first it seemed like everything would be ok. Pairs of animals were peacefully loading the ark, Noah was in a chipper mood, and Mike...well, actually Mike seemed to be getting a bit of a crazy look in his eye. However, I figured this was just a phase on the road to full recovery for Mike. Once the ship was loaded, and the earth was flooded, Noah and Mike began talking what their roles would be on the ship. Mike wanted to be captain, but Noah insisted that Mike just didn't have the necessary talents and instincts to be a captain, that Mike would do better in a the role of first-mate. However, Mike insisted and Noah gave in. Mike was an exciting captain, but maybe just a little too crazy. The ship was always going fast, but it was never in control. Luckily there are no defensive backs to pick off your every mistake in the open seas.
Mike was struggling though, all of these animals, and none of them were fighting. It was as if there was some sort of spell placed over them by a higher being to keep them living in peace. This was driving Mike crazy, he just kept pacing the ark, looking at the lion sleeping with the lamb, and shaking his head. There had to be some animals that were willing to fight. Some of these animals had to be just a little more aggressive then the others. And then he saw it...the Tyrannosaurus Rex. All Vick had to do was poke the T-Rex in it's stubby little arm and it was over. Before you knew it, Vick had all of the Dinosaurs fighting each other. The ark was lost to chaos and Noah had no choice but to throw the Dino's over board. As for Vick, he was sentenced to the brig, because we all know the ark was nothing more than a really big, lonely pirate ship.
Because I figured Noah wouldn't be as forgiving as Roger Goodell, I got Vick from the belly of the ship and started our trip back to present day. I guess somethings will never change. So now when you are posed with the question of what happened to the dinosaurs, you will know; not meteor, or ice age, or divine force, but Mike Vick.
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