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Time Traveling Today: Kyle Orton
Kyle Orton has led the Denver Broncos to quite possibly the most surprising 5-0 the NFL has seen in a long, long time. We all know the story; Denver coach Josh McDaniels couldn't get along with all-star quarterback Jay Cutler so he shipped him to Chicago and the Broncos got "stuck" with Kyle Orton. However, 5 weeks deep into the 2009 NFL season, McDaniels looks like a genius and Orton is playing beyond any expectations. His stats thus far are nearly flawless. He has thrown for 1,236 yards to go along with 7 touchdowns, 63% passing completion, and a quarterback rating of 97.4. Possibly most impressive is he hasn't thrown a real interception yet with his one pick of the season coming on an end-of-the half hail mary pass which Randy Moss, of all people, came down with. So with Orton looking this good, I decided to put his mettle to the test by throwing him in the Greek/Trojan war during the time where the Greeks were attacking Troy. I thought if I threw Orton in the mix with the Trojans a little before the whole "Wooden-Horse" incident, things may turn out differntly for the Greeks...maybe.
I dropped by Orton's apartment in Denver and caught him almost shaving...so close, yet so far. I grabbed him and hoped to God that he would get back to that shaving very soon, but for now we have so much more important things to get to. We crusied back through time and I dropped him off with the Trojans. At first, the Trojans were too creeped out by this strange looking, greesy moustache wearing soldier. However, Kyle eventually proved himself to be a hardworker and the Torjans eventually accpeted him as one of their own. Even though the Trojan army wasn't very talented, Orton still helped them win more battles than they maybe should have. More impressively, Orton rarely lost a battle with the Trojans fought within their walls. Some could say that he had a knack for defending the home-battlefield advatage. However, not too far away, there was discontent in the camp of the Greeks. The Greeks recently had brought in a new leader, King Agamemnon. He had a history of winning many battles, however, he did not get along with the Greeks best soldier, the legendary Achilles. At first their were rumors that Agamenon liked Ajax better than he liked Achilles, and that just led to more and more hurt feelings, and eventually it became obvious that the relationship was beyond repair.
Suddenly, rumors seemed to pop out of no where that the leader of the Trojan army, Hector, was trying to somehow bring Achilles over to Troy to fight with the Trojan army. Before I could save Kyle from another embarassing situation, the Torjan army had shipped him over to the Greeks (along with almost all of the Trojan weapons, food and clothing in order to sweeten the deal) in exchange for Achilles. As Kyle and Achilles passed each other on the road, Achilles tripped Kyle and kicked dirt in his face "geez, look in a mirror you creep, you need to take a blade to that upper-lip". Kyle got up, brushed the dirt off of himself, and kept on. As Kyle arrived in the Greek camp, no one seemed happy to see him. They were all wearing animal hides with phrases pained on them like "We Want Achilles!" or "Agamemnon is a camel-brain". One of the hides flat out said "I Hate Kyle..Alot". However, this did not seem to shake Kyle or Agamemnon. It seemed like they had everything under control.
It was obvoius that Achilles was the better soldier. He was quicker, stronger, and just more deadly. But Kyle just seemed a bit smarter. He did not take as many chances in battle and just seemed more concerned with winning the war rather than padding his total number of men killed in battle, like Achilles. Then one day, Kyle had an idea. This idea involved a wooden horse. A wooden horse that Achilles and the rest of the Trojan army never say coming. The rest, as they say, is history.
So even though Kyle Orton may not appear to be the best selection for a fantasy football team, he sure is working out perfectly for a real football team. The Denver Broncos are gaining more and more respect and seem to be making a number of NFL teams uneasy. McDaniels gameplan is working, the defense is clicking, and Orton is playing mistake-free football. Let's just hope the Broncos keep winning and don't allow themselves to be beaten by any "wooden horses".
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